“There is a syndrome where perfectionism masks a silent depression. You won’t allow your pain or sadness to be expressed. You are petrified of anyone being able to see an inkling of self-doubt or sorrow, fatigue or vulnerability. So you’re seen by others as a “mover and a shaker” – you know how to get things done, and done well. Your life looks great – absolutely no whining coming from you. You count your blessings, every day.

“There’s not a self-pitying bone in your body.”

HERE is a video with Dr. Margaret Rutherford on how some people who seem to have perfect lives are hiding depression.

Aromatherapy candles are great. But how about starting your day with cinnamon toast, lemon tea, and mango shampoo?

Get creative with how you incorporate scent into your life, and choose uplifting aromas to surround yourself at every turn.

Scents that traditionally are uplifting include: citrus (lemon, orange, mango), mint, florals like lilac and jasmine, lavender, rosemary and other herbs.

Or choose scents that lift you up based on your associations and memories such as sugar cookies, rose water, popcorn, your mother's perfume or your father's pipe tobacco.

Spring Cleaning

Getting rid of things you don't need any more makes room for new memories.

It's a simple anti-depression technique, as well.

TRIGGER WARNING: This is a particularly upsetting subject.

There is help for suicidal thoughts and urges, but when you're feeling that bleak you can't believe there is hope or see any way to go on.

The website OC87 Recovery Diaries presents “stories of mental health, empowerment and change.” Many of these are first-person accounts of climbing back from suicidal periods and suicide attempts. Reading about others who have been there may calm, reassure or inspire you.

Stories such as “Dear Mom, I Want to Kill Myself” by Tree Franklyn”: “No one understood. In a world of six billion people, I was alone."

With first person essays, short films, interviews and reviews on topics from addiction to schizophrenia, you will find stories you can relate to.

“You're gonna' be nowhere, the loneliest kind of lonely.
It may be rough going;
Just to do your thing's the hardest thing to do.

“But you've gotta' make your own kind of music,
Sing your own special song.
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along.”

Mama Cass – Make Your Own Kind of Music 

Get help.

With COVID and now extraordinary uncertainty about the future of the United States, it's important for parents to know that there is help available. The following statistics were written BEFORE recent events:

“...approximately 2% of children and at least 4% of adolescents suffer from depression at any given time. By the end of high school, approximately one young person in five will have had at least one episode of depression.

“Children and adolescents who are under stress, who experience loss, or who have attentional, learning, conduct, or anxiety disorders are at a higher risk for depression... The good news is that depression is a treatable illness.”

CLICK HERE for the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry’s online depression resource center.

Give Yourself Grace

I haven’t posted a tip for several days, and that’s okay. As Stuart Smalley, Al Franken’s beloved SNL character, always said, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it, people like me!”

Try not to let the perfect be the enemy of the good. None of us is perfect.

But most of us are pretty darn good.

So do your best to be consistent in your efforts to tame depression, but recognize that sometimes inconsistency or improvisation leads to amazing discoveries and breakthroughs. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote “A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.” And I make it a practice to always take seriously any sentence that includes the word “hobgoblin”.

Because I’m pretty sure I do not have a little mind, and because I believe these tips may help someone, I will have to try to do better in the consistency department.

Depression is not about what's going on in your life, it's about how you think about what's going on in your life.

Catching self-abusing thoughts and turning them into rational assessments of a situation is key.

Try to remember to react to automatic thoughts with rational responses, and write it down: list automatic thoughts on the left half of a piece of paper and the rational response to each thought on the right side.

Even when you're so depressed you can't see the solution, try this technique, pioneered by David D. Burns, whose books are fundamentals in the field of depression.

Click HERE for a yoga YouTube channel, Yoga with Kassandra, with truly easy stretches, breathing exercises, yoga tutorials, and more. Kassandra is down-to-earth and clear, and her exercises are super-doable.